Well, you won't see me in the results because I didn't finish this race. Home late Saturday night from my Nana's memorial service, I was feeling optimistic about competing well despite having a pretty crummy week (running and otherwise). I'd had a few solid workouts in the weeks preceding the event, and I knew I was far more ready to roll compared to the 12k a few weeks ago where I basically ran hard for the first time in a while as an experiment and had closed really hard over the last 1.5. I was thinking that if I could finish well after a cautious start to the 12k that I'd have a 10k in the bag.
I guess I was ignoring a few physical signs that I wasn't ready to roll, though. The lymph nodes on the left side of my body, i.e. head, neck, jaw, and armpit were all blown up and swollen. I hadn't been sleeping well and I was pretty groggy all around. Anyway, my race prep went relatively smoothly, although lots of teammates were running around in a panic since the parking around the school where the race started was less than ideal.
The gun sounded and I got out to a pretty decent 5:18 start. Not slow and not fast. Perfect. I wasn't breathing too hard but I felt that lactic acid burn far too soon, almost like I was racing a 5k and not a 10k. I tried not to get too nervous despite getting passed in droves beginning soon after the mile mark. Mentally I kind of freaked out and tried to compose myself with a shorter stride and focusing on adopting a rhythm similar to the guys around me. No split at 2 miles but by this point I was STRUGGLING in a way that begged for a premature end to the run. The 2nd mile generally climbed but didn't have anything super tough in it to make me feel so shitty. I made it to about 2.5 where my entire upper body went numb and the my left arm, shoulder and neck area began to pulsate/throb. This on top of running backwards and suddenly struggling to get a full breathe led me to turn off hard left where the race turned right. Failure...
There was a family with kids standing on the corner and more kids riding bicycles up the street so I held in the profanity building up inside and I laid under a tree for a few minutes trying to compose myself. Self doubt immediately injected into my psyche forcing the questions "Do I jump back in and see if I can get moving again?" and "Did I completely just flake out, and if so, why?". But soon after reality set in that I just wasn't physically or mentally prepared to go Sunday morning. I ****ing hate dropping out of races. It happens altogether too often. Had this been anything other than a GP, I'm positive I would have just slept in and taken care of myself rather than try to race. I'm looking at this race as a learning experience rather than a huge black spot on my already spotty year running.
Some major takeaways: 1) Don't show up to races you're not ready to run. Duh. That one should have already been obvious, but this is a good reminder. 2) Have fun out there even if a race is going to shit, regardless of the reasons. I wasn't having fun. Not a minute of that run was fun and that's probably mostly mental since my heart was back with my family in Southwestern CT. I didn't want to leave the night before, and I really only did so because Lauren had to work Sunday morning, so why not give the 10k a shot, right? Wrong. My heart wasn't in the race at all. And 3) I need to listen to my body more. I know that in running we can't always feel 100% and feeling crappy doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't run/race. I used to believe the crappier I felt in warmup or the day leading up to a race, the better I would feel as the race played out. Now I have a greater respect for taking care of business in the week leading up to a major effort. My long awaited doctor's appointment is for July 19 and I'm going to push for every test that seems practical: Lyme's, mono, iron levels, etc. Although my calf and hamstring have been feeling better and better, I still want to get some hard answers about what might or might not be going on with that insertion point behind the knee. Hopefully I can see a sports medicine doctor soon.
Since the race I've had some generous time off of work to get myself back into a healthy condition. I slept 11 hours Sunday night, 13 hours Monday night, and 10 hours Tuesday night. Hasn't been great sleep but the point is my body has definitely been running on fumes and the sleep is already helping me feel more balanced. My buddy Matt shared this video with me on the lymphatic system:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jf3OCI-440&lr=1&uid=iqvFUMzkLnUlKzkd3s4N_Q&fb_source=message The doctor is sort of a naturalist and has a history in triathlon, and places a minimal emphasis on western medicine, which I'm into. He provides a list of foods that promote lymphatic drainage, so I've been eating the best I have in a while and my lymph nodes have been slowly but surely draining. Positive steps forward are all I'm interested in now. The workouts and miles will come along in time.
Following a friend's advice, I'm not going to completely shut down the running but I'll definitely be stepping back and listening to my body a whole lot more. Praying for good news following Tuesday's doctor's visit. Anyway, if you read through this entire entry, thank you for listening and your support. New England is a really special place because the running community really helps pick you up when you're down. I'm looking forward to getting out there and seeing everybody again with higher spirits and a better outlook. Meanwhile I'll make an effort to post more regularly. Thanks again,
Scott
